Adopting a child can be an amazing and life-changing experience for married couples. It gives them the chance to change a child’s life and give them the opportunity to have love and support from parental figures that they would not otherwise have had.
While the adoptive process can reaffirm relationships and make the couple’s dynamic stronger, it can also lead to rifts due to the intensity and stress of the adoptive journey.
There are many reasons why married couples may want to adopt. One of the most common is that the couple is unable to have biological children of their own. Often couples naively believe that adoption will help heal the collective traumas that they experienced in the past. However, adoptive parents are subject to entirely new challenges, and the weight of these new stressors can further strain their relationships.
The unique difficulties of adoption
For some, adoption can be a catalyst for divorce. This can be due to the unique difficulties of the adoption process. The child may have behavioral issues due to past traumas, and adoptive parents must work through these problems while maintaining the strength of their marriages. In addition, there can be some disparity between the spouses’ decisions to adopt, with one spouse experiencing some degrees of regret or resentment.
The guilt of divorcing after adoption
Some adoptive parents feel a tremendous amount of guilt for deciding to divorce after adopting a child. This is often because they wanted to create a perfect life for their child — one full of safety and the emotional security. While this sense of guilt is understandable, it is important to take ownership of your decisions, and realize that ultimately, a divorce can be in the child’s best interests, too. Once you recalibrate your decision as an act of love for your child, you will likely feel empowered to move forward.
If you are struggling with marital issues after you have adopted a child in Hawaii, it is important that you consider marriage therapy or mediation techniques. If divorce is in the cards, it is a good idea to take early action to determine your options.